Jill to the Rescue

It was Jill’s turn, so off she went to Kate’s to see what the hell had gone wrong now. She cursed and swore and muttered threats of violence as she stomped up the steps and pounded on Kate’s door. “Hey! Get your ass out here!” she commanded. “Let’s go!”

The door remained quiet. Jill pressed an ear next to it. No sound. Maybe Kate was dead! If so, Jill was off the hook.

She heaved a heavy sigh and tried again. “Kate! It’s Jill! Yo! Hey!” She banged on the door. “I know you’re in there!”

Still no answer. Well, shit. She tried the door and, almost unsurprisingly, it was unlocked. Jill let herself in. “Kate! I’m coming in!”

The place was a wreck. The cabinets had been cleared of dishes, everything was in pieces on the floor. Empty wine cooler bottles were strewn about everywhere. In one corner, it looked like something red had exploded. “Augh, gross!” Jill said, picking her way through. “Fuck this shit. Kate! I’m invading your home! I’m gonna steal your stuff! Come on out!”

Nothing. “Come on, Kate, don’t make me walk through your disgusting living room!”

She had to be in the bedroom. The door was open a little. Jill hopped from clear space to clear space, over old pizza boxes and around the remains of what might have been a TV once. “Damn,” she said to herself. “Looks expensive. Fuck, Kate, what did you do?” Maybe, she thought, those rumors of Kate going off the rails and getting the axe were actually true.

She finally made it to the hallway, which was full of dirty clothes. A rancid smell drifted out of the bathroom. Jill made an executive decision not to check in there. She peeked into the bedroom.

Kate lay on her back, pillow over her head.

“Kate!” Jill called. “Kate! Kat! Bitch! Wake up!” She picked up a pair of what turned out to be underwear and flung them at Kate’s inert form. The panties caught on her arm and slipped to the floor.

Oh fuck, she really is dead. What the hell do I do now? But part of her was thinking this is going to be an awesome story to tell those old bats in the faculty lounge. They’ll scream at this part.

Mercifully, or perhaps disappointingly, Kate’s arm flailed. “Shit,” Jill breathed. “You’re alive. Oh, good.”

“Muh,” Kate said, peering out from under the pillow. “Jill? Whayoo doin here?”

“Your door was unlocked, you fucking moron. And what the hell is all this? Did you get fired? We were worried about you!” Jill threw another piece of clothing at her friend. “This place is gross.”

Kate groaned again and tried to turn over.

“It’s been three days since you were last in. What’s going on with you?”

“Shbmbmba,” Kate said, and retched.

“Oh no way!” Jill leapt back. But Kate’s stomach was apparently empty, she only made nasty gagging sounds for a little while before whimpering and turning over on her side.

“I hate you,” said Jill. “Get up. Get out of bed.” She rifled through Kate’s bureau. Amazingly, there were still some clean clothes in there. “Here.” She tossed the clothes at Kate. “Clean your ass up. I’ll be in the living room with the moldy pizza. Then we’re going out, and you’re gonna tell me what happened.”

 

* * *

Somehow, Kate got herself clean. She even ran her head under the faucet in the bathroom (at least, Jill assumed that was what happened—there was still no way she was looking in there), brushed her hair and teeth, put on the requisite amount of makeup to make herself look passably human, and got dressed. Half an hour later, they were sitting in the Starbucks on the Turnpike, sipping coffees. The caffeine perked Kate up considerably.

“So,” Jill said. “Spill.” She regretted the choice of words immediately, as Kate turned green. She won control of her stomach, thankfully.

“Um,” Kate said. “There was this guy. And we talked all night. I think we may have had sex? I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“…I had a lot of wine coolers.”

Jill laughed. “Wine coolers? You got drunk on wine coolers?”

“A lot of them,” Kate insisted. “You would have, too!”

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” sniffed Jill. “But go on. This guy. Wine coolers. Maybe sex. How did you get fired?”

“I didn’t get fired,” Kate said.

“Seriously? How did you manage that? You haven’t been in since Monday!”

“…I quit,” Kate finished lamely.

Jill stared at her, stunned. “Oh,” she finally said.

“Yeah,” said Kate. “I kind of didn’t mean to.” She flinched, obviously waiting for Jill to unload on her.

“Well, um,” Jill said, groping for things to say. “That sucks.”

“You’re not going to tell me what an idiot I am?”

“I think you know.”

Kate looked utterly miserable. “Yeah.”

“Hey, look,” Jill said. “You might be able to get the job back. Call up Avery and beg. Better yet, go see him. You know how he is. Wear something nice, with heels. He’ll forgive you.”

“No!” said Kate, horrified. “No, no way. I’m not going back.”

Jill just stared at her. “You are an alien. You have to. What the hell else are you going to do? Do you have any idea how bad this looks, just up and quitting in the middle of the school year? You’ll never get another job this good. Groveling sucks but you have to do it sometimes. Jesus, Kate!”

But Kate just shook her head. “No,” she said. “No, I just… I can’t.” She looked green again. “Excuse me,” she said hastily, getting up out of her chair. Jill shrank back, wary of getting hit by the spray (years of classroom experience had taught her the signs of someone about to hurl), but Kate recovered enough to sprint to the ladies’ room.

Jill, alone with two cups of coffee, traced little doodles on the napkin with her fingernail. Fucking Kate, blundering in to doing what Jill had always fantasized about: up and quitting in the middle of the year, and leaving those bastards hanging. Now she wouldn’t be able to without looking like a poser. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She waited around, but it became clear that Kate was going to be a while. Jill had places to go. There was homework to correct, lessons to plan. Jill had a life. She fished a pen out of her purse, wrote “call me” on the napkin, and took off.

Paula really owed her for this one, she thought, fuming. But then it struck her: now that Kate didn’t work at the school anymore, would she even see her again? Was the Kate Thing over?

Damn. It figured. Well, Paula would owe her something else.